writer's block

i sit

attempt to write

a sentence
any sentence

please just let me
say something worthwhile

help me change a life

here it comes
the life-changing words

hug your babies, hug yourself

Artist's date

I did it! I managed to spend a couple of hours creatively. I gave my poetry site, http://www.poetryuprising.com a new look tonight as my artist date. :) I'm happy to have spent a bit making it look better than it did. The old files are still there actually, because I don't have all my poems in the new format yet.

I've also kept up with the morning pages really well all week long. Even on the days I was stressed in the morning and didn't feel like doing them. Even on the mornings amy climbed all over me (um just about every morning). Even on the mornings when John was at home. I did my morning pages first thing.

Artist's Way

Morning pages aren't easy, but I'm getting used to them. I worked on some of the exercises today too. I need to figure out when to work on my artist's date for this week. Maybe I'll carve out the time tomorrow if kids are occupied at the same time.

Crazy Morning Pages

This morning, I didn't think I was going to make it through the three pages, but I did. If I could type them instead of doing them longhand, I think it'd be easier, but a pen and a notebook seems to draw the 1 year old into crawling all over me trying to make me stop writing. She's awake, so not much I can do about it really. I can't seem to wake up before she does. Then my husband came in early from work today, not feeling well, right in the middle of my morning pages. I think it took me over an hour to muddle my way through this time, but I did it.

I didn't do much else, but I did decide on what to do for my Artist's Date this week and a friend will be starting with her morning pages tomorrow so I'll have a little accountability. That's always cool. This blog that no one ever sees, serves as accountability of sorts as well I suppose, aside from the fact that no one ever sees it. :)

Day two Morning Pages

Morning pages this morning were a bit difficult. I got through them, but it feels sort of weird to write with nothing to say. In the book, Julia Cameron says morning pages aren't just for writers and that they can sometimes actually be more difficult for writers, who want to "write" them. The whole idea is to get the junk out, so stopping the censor can be difficult for me. Plus my pen kept running out of ink, and I got a phone call. All that in the span of writing three pages longhand.

I definitely see the value in it. Yesterday, I helped a friend rewrite a couple of paragraphs and I did a lot of journalling of my own. Plus, I worked on the exercises from chapter 1 some, which included listing the monsters of your creativity and the champions of your creativity. Basically, tracing back the negative junk in your head about your own creativity and writing, to the people who put it there and doing the same for the positive. I have a few on each side. I had teachers tell me in high school, I should rethink my desire to major in English, but in 11th grade, I had a teacher who I thought was just awesome. He brought back what others crushed. In fact, the next year, I worked as his teacher's aide so that I could hear him again. I did major in English and I did really well in all of my college English and Writing classes. The only classes I got Cs in had nothing to do with my major. Geology, C++, and Pottery.

The C in Pottery, I swear was a pity grade, because in all reality, my pottery was a horrible experiment gone wrong. I thought that taking a pottery class first thing in the morning, would be relaxing. In reality, being in with a bunch of art majors, and me never getting the hang of throwing a pot, it was really comical. I thought about starting my own line: Imperfection as an Artform.

C++ I was actually good at and I had fun with the class. I got an A the first semester but a C in the second because I blew the final and I didn't do too well on a test, I think. It was a tumultuous time in my life, and my last semester in college.

The Cs in both Geology classes. I have no excuses. I'm just not much for Science. I didn't study enough and I fell asleep in class.

First day of Morning Pages

This morning, I completed my first day of morning pages for the Artist's Way. It's definitely an interesting process and one I plan to stick to. Yesterday and the day before, I did "Amy's Nap Pages" but I do think there's a difference in doing them first thing in the morning. My mind feels a lot more clear now and I like being able to write out my dreams from the night before, before they get too fuzzy. It'll be interesting to go back to when I'm at the end of the course. Anyway, right when I got started with this course, a creative project has fallen in my lap that I'm excited about. :)

Starting a new blog

As I muddle my way through the 12 weeks of the Artist's Way. I'm hoping to dig up some new writing and I wanted somewhere new to collect it all. I could add it to my web site, of course, and I might eventually. For now, though, this shiny new pink blog will do the trick.

Housefly

Fly on the wall
don't tell
the secrets of our household

-and you might live to see
another day.

On second thought
-you know too much already
and so there's a flyswatter
with your name on it.

Don't worry
your secrets will be safe
with me.

There are days when it's expected

This gnawing, empty feeling
Remembering, and afraid of a day when I won't remember.

Thinking of the protection I once felt but no longer do or can or will.

There are days when it's expected.
February, on your birthday.
Christmas,
Father's Day,
Thanksgiving.

July 12th, when I got the call that you were gone.

Those are days I brace myself for.

Remembering your calls to check on me and make sure that everything was okay.
Remembering your hands on your guitar.

The guitar I wanted to learn to play, but was too lazy to practice those three chords over and over.

Remembering you saying "Now that I have a captive audience, which lecture do you want to hear?" as you drove me to school.

There are days when it's expected, and then there is today.

Heart-shaped Potato

For David

Of all the lessons
that I've learned
Of all the thoughts
that you've burned into my mind
that's the one I hope sticks

That something as simple
as a potato shaped like a heart
deserves to be remembered
or made into art, immortalized.

That's what the world is about
these moments - calm and quiet
that we can bring up
again and again - long after
those we experience them with are gone

Of all the lessons I carry
with me through life
I think of this most often:
Always sit in the speaker seat.
Become one with the music.
Life's too short not to.