Glitter Girls

There's something about glitter. Christel bought a little set from dollar general. Lip Gloss and glitter. So now we're all three glittery. Fun Fun. :)

old writing

Playing on archive.org today, with the wayback machine. Thought I'd post some from my archives.

Everything is in constant flux.
The only thing that is certain is that nothing is certain.
Everything is destined to change at any time
thus the greater truth is also in constant flux and therefore unattainable.
Since the greater truth is unattainable this leaves us free to stop the
search for the greater truth which only leads to confusion and live life instead.
Everything is nothing and nothing is everything.

In high school when a person is having a problem it seems as though
life itself has stopped, as though the world has stopped spinning.
Within a number of years these problems are hardly remembered much less
causing the world to stop spinning,
and so what felt like everything turns out to be next to nothing.
Yet, these problems at the time really are everything
to the person involved sometimes to the point of causing suicide.

If people realized the state of flux they would never take their own lives.
In living life a person learns small truths.
These small truths add up eventually to form a greater truth.
It still will never be reached and is in fact different for each person, changing with experience.

I refuse to search for the greater truth.

I will instead note smaller truths that will help me live life to the best of my ability.
I will smile in your direction at every chance I get.
I will learn to enjoy the noise my brother makes when he's here because
it's much better than the silence that would be if he wasn't.
I will write out my ideas because they are as valid as anyone else's.
I will read anything I can get my hands on that will better my understanding of life.
I will seek that person who understands best where I'm coming from.

When I find him I will reach out and hold his hand when I have that impulse
rather than worrying about reaction from his side.

I will smile in your direction at every chance I get.
I will share what I'm thinking ( I think you're a beautiful human being)
because it's important to have thoughts out in the open where they can do some good (you're also important to me)

This may not be the greater truth but it is a small part of the greater truth.
The greater truth is in constant flux.
The fact that the greater truth is unattainable does not mean the search should be discontinued,
the search should instead be changed to accommodate the changing.
Search for smaller truths.
Love is a smaller truth.
Rather than getting lost in this search for greater truth and pushing away those who care
reach out and tell those you care about that you care. (I care about you.)

Stop worrying so much about how to reach that which can't be reached anyway.

It's like air - all around and seemingly nowhere,
grasping for stars,
chasing down moonbeams,
the search for the end of the rainbow as a child.

Everything is nothing, nothing is everything.

Love and connections, combined searches for smaller truths make it all worthwhile.

If this speaks to you, it was written for you.

Care to help me search?

Avalanche

This is not
the last poem I will write

-though it might as well be.

Pen in hand -
I've run out of things to say -
so instead of writing

I should wash dishes instead.

Standing in front of the sink
running water and clinking dishes
drowning out the worries of the day,
week,
month,
year,
lifetime.

Each moment passes
stranger than the last.

Each day passes
with a new lesson learned.

Year after year, ticks by
like snowflakes
quietly building up
in a drift outside,
until I wake at 90
and realize an avalanche buried me
during the night
locking me in, or worse.

I stand in front of the sink
this moment
at 29
overwelmed by the mere thought
of living to be 90 - and more than
a little scared.

Thomas Merton quote

“We must begin by frankly admitting that the first place in which to go looking for the world is not outside us but in ourselves. We are the world. In the deepest ground of our being we remain in metaphysical contact with the whole of that creation in which we are only small parts. Through our senses and our minds, our loves, needs, and desires, we are implicated, without possibility of evasion, in this world of matter and of men, of things and of persons, which not only affect us and change our lives but are also affected and changed by us…The question, then, is not to speculate about how we are to contact the world – as if we were somehow in outer space – but how to validate our relationship, give it a fully honest and human significance, and make it truly productive and worthwhile for our world.“ - From Love and Living

Things that make me happy

• Watching my girls give each other a hug first thing in the morning
• Hugging my girls
• When Christel gets excited about going for a walk
• Meditating
• Quiet moments reading
• Coffee!
• Amy singing the ABCs
• Helping Christel learn
• Learning
• Conversations with Friends
• Getting a line just right in my writing
• Old school video game music
• Reading

It's important for me to document these things, to go back to as I'm going through this process. Sometimes, I forget what makes me happy.

A time when things were simple

I long for a time when things were simple, When I love you, was enough.

Somewhere, there is a life like that. I pray someday it finds me.

A long time

Well, I didn't finish making it through the artist's way. I got sidetracked by life. It happens.